I am currently studying Shiatsu, at the Shiatsu college in Norwich. It’s a very hands-on engaging course, and each weekend is full on, slightly overwhelming at times. This weekend was about the Bladder and Kidney meridian, and we talked about the concept of Jing, which is the energy/metabolism that we inherit from our parent, and ancestry. We spoke about epigenetics and how western medicine recognises that the condition of our parents and the DNA inherited from our ancestry affects our overall health. What we came to is that our current state is not just ‘who we are’ right now, but has a historical and geographical context. The places where we are weak are not necessarily because we are somehow randomly lacking, but are as a result of the nourishment, context, conditioning of not just our own history but also the stories of our parents, grandparents and ancestry.
Thinking about that, and from discussions with my sister, Shiatsu practitioner and (my) life coach Shakura – we brought in the idea that when something is broken, you don’t poke the broken bits and say, well you’re super crap for experiencing pain, gyawwd your weak! Wow, I’ll keep on poking you till you stop hurting, to test when you stop hurting, o you’re still hurting well that’s just brilliant hashtag charity clap. No, you wrap it in a cast and give it the right kind of space to heal itself. The bone knows how to knit itself back together, it as everything it needs to heal, however, it is not likely to heal if it keeps getting moved around, and it will certainly hurt everytime it is poked.
Where we experience pain is not just about that place that hurts, there has been a whole past that has contributed to what is going on now. What we are in control of right now is how we respond to that pain. The response is in how we think about it, how we feel about it, what we relate it to and how we treat it physically.
I’m not sure I’ve ever rolled my eyes when I have heard that someone is suffering. I have had varying degrees of response but they are always on the spectrum of compassion. I know that in some cases I am the emergency responder, and in some cases I just send kind loving thoughts that persons way, maybe lit a candle, or texted a friend to let them know that person may need some space. This is towards everyone else. But to myself, I am a complete bitch at times. Geez, thinking that again, gyawd no wonder he treated you like that, he was practically forced to, negative thinking, AGAIN, really, shy again, panic attacks, AGAIN? That’s so shit, you’re professional at this, professionally crap that is, and so it goes on. When I feel pain, I feel impatient and like I’m a drain on the world’s resources. When I have a panic attack, I hide away and go silent. When I have bad news, and don’t instantly come up with a plan on how to fix it so no-one else feels pain, I feel like I’ve failed everyone. When someone attacks me, I pan my existence to see where I was lacking in order for them to be triggered to behave in that way, like they have no authority over their actions. When I was cheated on, I blamed myself, saying if I had been kinder, achieved more, less embarrassing socially, thinner, less ugly, more loving, more sparky, then that obviously would have been … I’m not sure but it wouldn’t have been his only option in life. And so my response to pain in myself is to attack myself, most likely in order to take charge of the situation, from my meagre psychology studies.
So here’s the new plan. Cherishing. When I feel pain, I’m not going to stab it with blame or regret, or wishing it was any different. I know my body knows how to heal itself, even if the healed version is a bit wonkier than the original and bears the scars of my experience. That is ok. If I am experiencing pain then it is my body’s message to my consciousness that I need to ramp up my cherishing practices. It is an indication that my self care needs an extra boost until the pain does or says whatever it needs to do.
Here’s some self care that has been working this week:
- chucking stuff away to make space
- not keeping mugs in my room
- having my hair done by the beaut Leon
- new blend of facial oils
- breathe blend in the diffuser – for supplies contact Shakura Meddings, her oils are spesh
- listening to music – my friend Jonny just released his ep
Sending you love wherever you are, it’s a pretty strong time for lots of beloveds in my world, so if that’s going on for you to, sending healing your way.